para sayo rena...

this was authored by one of my close friends from corp, ana ong.

THINK: What is the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?

Being in love is what romance novels and movies are all about. It’s that euphoric feeling you get when the world stops to turn, your tummy starts to churn and do flip flops, you "hear the music" when he whispers in your ear those three magical words. It is wonderfully exhilarating. It causes you to have the makings of a fool’s smile playing in your lips at the most inopportune times and places, but what the heck do you care, right?

However, being in love is a transient state. I do not have the data right now, but it takes too much of one’s energy to "be in love" -- what more to "stay in love." In time you hear the farts, you see the parcel of food in between gum lines, your face gets drenched because he splays saliva all over when he eats/speaks - honestly, do you really still "hear the music" at these times?

If you still do, that’s because you made a decision to do so. You decided that you will love him … no matter what … come what may.

You decided to accept him at face value and whatever is hidden underneath that will surface in time. You decided that you will accept and stick with all the eccentricities and shortcomings. That is commitment.

No matter what the Fates may toss to test your "love," be it Brad Pitt in all his naked glory or Daniel Radcliffe in his unabashed vulnerability, you will have eyes for him and only him. That is fidelity. Loyalty.

When you have wronged him in any way, you are prepared to offer apologies. Also, you are only too willing to forgive and forget if he was the one who screwed up. That is humility.

After all, as much as we enjoy and continually look forward to being "in love," that is just a phase and will, despite efforts, wane away in time.

To love someone is a conscious decision we choose to make. We love and stay with the other entity as a matter of choice, not chance.

To stay in love, we have to make a conscious effort to love each other even when the romance took a slack in the humdrums of everyday life. We love in silence ... even without hearing the music.

**************

this was sent to me by one of my closest friends in the office. knocked some freakin sense into me

the night ronnel sang "the closer i get to you"

foreword:

this blog was made last August 1, but just posted today. :)

 

Back to work.

 

I was on a medical leave the past three days. Twisted my knee in  a bus incident. Had to bear with the excruciating pain for three days. Actually, up to now. Not to mention, had to live up to unstoppable mocking made by my officemates and my so-called friends.

 

But my knee injury is not the topic of this blog. Though I do thank the incident coz it was my excuse to get out of work for three days.

 

Saturday came, and instead of staying home to get the rest my knee deserved, I was off to meet my friends in Mcdo Philcoa (the usual rendezvous). I was there early, contrary to what everybody was expecting. 6 pm sharp. Then, one by one they came. Paul, Kid, then Rossen. Dyndyn just came from work, so he’d be coming a little later.

Twas supposed to be a jamming gig. One that i have been planning for weeks. But SM North had big sale that night. And we can't risk being stuck all night there just to satisfy my musical whim. No parking. Big crowd. Who would say yes to that?

Instead, tambay kami sa Tong Yang. It's a hotpot buffet resto along quezon avenue. Grabe! Sobrang Busog! Takaw ni Linus!

Our bill came to what Dyndyn was getting every payday. hehe! Joke lang! It was more than we bargained for. That would be the last of our food trip experiments. 

Speaking of experiments, during idle time at Pork Barrel, we put my digicam to good use. I'll post the results here in a few days. I'll let you be the judge of it.

We went MYMP all the way. Uso eh.

Ronnel hogged the mic.

We went home free of alcohol and with just a staint of second-hand smoke. My, my, we are really serious about that healthy living sh*t huh?

It was a fun night. As it will always be whenever I am with highschool friends.

sick.. of being sick

we just discovered that i'm allergic to any canned/ tetra juices

who freakin gets allergic to those?!

my life just gets better and better everyday!

as usual, there's no one to turn to but blogging. my mom can't do anything about it. my doctor would just give me more and more prescription. i can't even remember what to take at what time.

 

here's a list of all things not good for me:

 

1.       coffee (which i cannot give up. my loyal companion at work.)

2.      softdrinks. (which is never without whenever our family eats together)

3.       canned juice, e.g. tang, ponkana, zesto, etc.

4.       dust and pollution (ain't all of us?)

5.       yosi *sigh*

6.       alcoholic beverage

so, im now the official party pooper. if you want a pathetic, bleak and boring party, invite me over. the wildest i can do is inhale second hand smoke and gulp soda until i vomit my insides out.

looking at the bright side, at least i would pursue better living. i already have kid to accompany me. (his was healthy living by choice though.) besides, i still have the other comforts of life, like chocolates, seafood, cheesecakes, and my mom's kare-kare.

however, if the time comes that i need to go vegetarian.... just kill me! 

crush

Back to high school mode.

 

Again, am having crushes here and there. Funny, today’s the first time I looked up the term “crush” in the ever-so-reliable Webster dictionary. And it says:

 

Crush: an intense and usually passing infatuation; to inspire with a foolish or extravagant admiration.

 

Intense. It’s a distinctive feeling you just can’t shrug off. No matter how much you tried to put your concentration where it needed to be, you cannot resist a quick glance or a shy hi.

 

Usually passing infatuation. There’s only 2 reasons why I lose interest; 1.) forced renouncement 2. i’ve gotten to know him too well.  And only 2 reasons why I don’t pursue. 1.) he has a girlfriend, 2.) he’s gay. 

 

Inspiring. One of the few reasons I wake up every darn morning is the anticipation that I will be sitting beside he-who-must-not-be-named. That I can smell him in all his fresh-out-of the-shower glory and hear his baritone bedroom voice (if there is such. i do tend to exaggerate.) I finish more work. I sing more songs. I linger. I try to look and smell good. I make more effort. Caring not if he notices or not. Ok, I do care if he notices. Actually, I pray that he notices. I pray hard.

 

Foolish or extravagant admiration. Back in college, I was a self-proclaimed stalker. I used to doodle my crush’s name on my notebook, along with it the outline why I have a crush on him in the first place. I lost a couple of hundreds in pusoy just because he’s the bangka. I almost failed my majors exam coz I stayed all night talking with Whamos over the phone. (Whamos. I miss that wacko!)

 

Looking back, admittedly, I was stupid and foolish. I felt giddy and inspired. And I enjoyed it. I wouldn't mind being foolish again. It's my personal escape when I feel like I'm stuck in a routine. It adds spice to my so called life.

 

So, to my crushes. Past, present and future. Thank you!

pizza, barbeques, and a hot cocoa drink…

Hopefully Dyn-dyn passed his exam on tuesday.

 

After what has transpired last Monday night, I doubt that Mr. Flores woke up in time for his Azeus exam. Not unless, ever faithful-on-time Nathan served as alarm clock, or better yet drove him to Ortigas.

 

Eons ago, we used to go out every week. That was when my weekends are free, Dyn's still a student (and not perturbing about terrorists), Kid's red car's still at his disposal, Ria only has one phone and is not stumbling over 3 different phone numbers and Paul's not spending a thousand bucks over a snow globe.

 

Babbling. Again.

 

Going back.

 

Monday didn't commence according to plan. The pasimuno slept around 3 am the night before, so understandably,  she was still snoring until 10 am. Difficulty was, Ria inadvertently changed sims with Bossman, Paul was coming from Batangas and Rossen can't find anyone to leave her son with. The rain pouring down on us didn't help either.

 

3 hours, 10 unanswered phone calls and a hundred and one texts later, Poli, Bude and i were eating pizzas at Sbarro Sm Megamall.

 

Ria's working 2 pm to 10 pm, we tried to BI her to stay but to no avail.

 

Darn Linus didn't go to work but was hanging out in YM with his hunh.

 

Dyn-dyn's still at work and still apprehensive about the terrorists after him

 

Rossen's either asleep or fixing milk for Ian.

 

But to cut the long crappy story short, the party of 5 and a half met at Mcdo Sm North around 6 pm. And we stuck with the usual senseless conversation, sarcastic remarks and comedic banters. 

 

I thought the day would end after pictures were taken (most of Ian) and barbeque dinner at Colasa's was finished. But boy, was I wrong!

 

Craziness begun at 11 pm. If you could only picture us there. A mini stage. Rodyn's rendition of Through the fire. Linus' version of Don't touch my birdie. A mic stand. Paul's forced Smooth. Sizzling sisig. Disco lights. Ria's interpretation of Bring me down. And a mug of iced tea. No, not beer. Iced tea. Yeah, yeah, pathetic, I know. 

 

Imagine a beerhouse circus. That's exactly how we look like!

 

But as the cliche goes, all good things come to an end. Monday ended without us noticing.

 

Monday made me realize 4 things.

 

1. I missed my friends so freakin much.

2. My friends freakin missed me.

3. We are growing up, not growing old.

4. We should do this more often.

 

Tara, next week ulit!

weekly report

talk about unlucky. i had the most unfortunate week, and today’s just halfway done.

 

actually, monday started fairly well. i stayed all day at home, fought with my little brother who would get the pc authority. being the surfing aficionado that i was, my day ended at 5 in the morning. i can smell the neighbor's breakfast. bacon and tuyo. not much of a pair, but yummy nonetheless.

 

tuesday was such a bore. i felt like i gained good 10 pounds being languid the entire day.

 

then wednesday came. not only do I have no money, no enthusiasm and no load (damned prepaid sim!), i have to live thru the day in the office without the net. i was pulled out to train incoming newbies. i found myself giving lecture to a bunch of deadpans. ignorance I can take. but apathy?! i felt like i'm sort of an intellectual narcotic.

 

thursday is way f*cked up! i don't wanna elaborate.

 

i was supposed to finish this piece by friday but of course, my work did not permit it. so here i am, back into my blissful repose that is blogging.

 

dyn dropped by yesterday. he brought me "makabayan".

 

saturday.

 

i forgot to bring my wallet.

 

my crush just passed by me. he's resigning. why am i working here again?

 

am anticipating a surprise later this day.

 

can't wait til monday.

 

my eyes are open but my subconscious is asleep.

 

my brother lost 3 pounds.

 

tonight's the first lottery draft in WWE RAW.

 

am singing "insensitive" in my head.

 

my seatmate's humming "life goes on" by leann rimes.

 

shame on you if you fool me once. shame on me if you fool me twice.

 

i'm blabbing. again.

 

my supervisor's coming.

 

later!

 

whew!

love is...

She just came out from a very important exam. She saw her best friend sitting alone at the tambayan, looking really dismal.

She approached him, a worried look on her face. “San ka galing? I was looking for you inside. You weren’t able to take the test.”

He answered with a sigh “I guess I would have to take it next sem then.” She sat beside him.

“Look at me. I’m turning 24 and I’m far from graduating. I’m a disappointment.” She turned to him and saw a few tears threatening to fall.

She flashed a big smile and then made a funny face.  “At least ikaw, hindi nag-aral kaya ka bagsak. Ako nga, nag-aral na ko pero bagsak pa rin.” She groaned.

He can’t help but laugh on her reaction. He looked at her intently, her smile still radiating. She’s still making funny faces to cheer him up. And then he said it…

I love you...

 

***************

 

She received his text. It read:

U dnt nid 2 say sorry coz im not mad. Juz tel me if you dnt want 2 talk anymore and I will understand.

But if you nid some1 to talk 2, im always here. Just a txt away.

 

***************

 

He’s 18. She’s 17. They’ve been together since 4^th year high school. But they need to break up. Her parents would like their only girl to finish her studies first. She gave back the ring he gave to her.

“I can’t wear this anymore.”, she said.

 

On her 18^th birthday, he gave her a necklace. His ring served as the its pendant.

“I’m giving this back to the rightful owner. I know you can’t wear this on your finger. But please wear this around your neck.” She tried to hide her tears.

He held her hands. “I will wait for the time that you can wear my ring on your finger. For the meantime, seeing you wear it near your heart is enough.”

 

***************

 

He missed work for 2 days already. He’s worried that he can’t meet his deadline.

She knocked before letting herself in. “I brought you soup. Are you feeling better?” She asked with concern.

He shook his head with a firm NO. He noticed her drop some blueprints on the table.

“What are those?”

“Your design.”, she replied hesitantly. “I finished your draft. I know that you can’t work on ‘em and I was afraid you’re gonna miss your deadline. I hope you don’t mind.”, her voice still very unsure.

“When did you finish that?”

“Last night.”, she said nonchalantly.

“Didn’t you have plans last night?’”

“I cancelled.”

“What?! You've been anticipating it the whole month!”

“It’s both our asses on the line if you weren’t able to finish that. No biggie!” She helped him up and seated him in front of well-prepared meal.

“Kain na.”, she added. “Ako nagluto nito.”

 

*****************

 

It’s 1 am. He yawned as he glanced at the clock. He decided to take a quick nap before going back to business. He was about to close his eyes when his phone rang.

“Hon?”, his girlfriend on the other line. The urgency in her voice made him stand up.

“Hon, bakit?”

“Matutulog ka na ba?”

He sighed as he looked back at the inviting bed. “Hindi pa naman. Bakit?”

“Busy ka?”

“Hindi naman.”

“Punta ka naman dito. Namimiss na kita eh.”

“Sige. Wait for me. I’ll get the keys to the car.”

“Thanks, hon. See yah in a while.”

He took one fleeting look at the tons of paper work he needs to finish by tomorrow morning. I need to stop over a coffee shop for a strong espresso. I have a long drive ahead of me.  

He closed his eyes and he could see his girlfriend face light up as she runs to him for a firm hug. She would then give him a peck on the cheek.

It’s all worth it.

 

*****************

 

His loud snore woke her up. It was like angry thunder before a menacing storm. She stood up, ready to pounce on the sleeping culprit. But he stirred, almost aware of the danger.

 

His breathing became calmer. His lips partly open. She can hear his silent moan. His hair slightly dishevelled, unruly strands fall against his face. She fought the urge to gently carress it off. 

 

Before she knew it, she'd been watching him sleep for hours. I can get use to this. 

 

****************

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

-Harry Burns to Sally Albright

When Harry met Sally, 1989