last will and testament

it may sound morbid and greatly melancholic for me to write my last will and testament today. coz come to think of it, i barely have anything to give away. but, what the hey, i woke up feeling gloomy and i'm gonna write it nonetheless. so here it goes...

mom and dad, i know it hurts that i'd be the first one to leave. be rest assured though that wherever i'm going, i'll always have you with me. and i'll always be with you. i may not lived my life the way i wanted it to. or the way you expected me to. but the important thing is i lived. and i don't have any regrets.

all the money in the bank is yours. do what you will with it.

to my friends, i am who i am because of you. you'll never know how much i appreciated all the times we spent together. be it bickering, laughing, crying, or fighting. the times we spent together looking back and realizing how much we've accomplished. who we've become. there were times we just hang out and do nothing, with silence as our companion, and yet it screams a lot of meaning.

kid, after eden is yours. you may consider the book cheesy and corny. but that book and you, are one and the same. i can say that you know me best than anyone. you simplify me…

to rodyn, i leave to you my comic book collection. it may not be much, and it does not have all the perverted stuff that you wish them to have but i hope it would be enough. enough for you to quit your day job and start becoming the stan lee of the philippines. (a lot of aspiring comic book writers would kill me for this comment.)

bude, you are the most beautiful person i've ever known. you radiate innocence and naivety that kept me believing that there are still a lot of good in this earth.

sen, you're my conscience. pugad baboy na lng sa’yo. pareho tayong mababaw and i wanna hear you sincerely laugh out loud again.

my fhm collection is for my brothers. I can’t think of anyone else I can leave it to. be good.

to my kids (if i have 'em), all i can leave you is my memories. mom, tell them stories about me. show them pictures of me growing up. pictures when i was a stable boy on my prep school play. when i opened my first christmas girft. when i received my very first medal. when i graduated elementary, high school, college. my pictures in the beach, with my brothers, with my friends, with you. i hope they remember my laugh more than anything else. having them makes me even prouder as a person.

don't be afraid to tell them i made mistakes. and don't condemn them if they committed their own. after all we're all just human, mistakes would make them better persons. have them learn from their mistakes, and mine. remind them that their mother lived her life to the fullest. and would wish for them to do the same. they are my legacy as much as i was yours.

to my husband, if i'm fortunate to have one, i won't leave you with anything. malaki ka na! you know what's right and wrong. and most of all, you can very well take care of yourself. remember though, that you'll always be special to me. i gave up my name and single status for you. i think it says enough.

i just hope that if you find someone who would replace me in your life, she would be prettier, richer and smarter. you deserve nothing less.

to everyone else: i may have not mentioned you here but you have touched my life in one way or another. you know who you are. to the guy who offered me his seat in the MRT. to the girl who shared a conversation with me at the canteen. to all the strangers who have given me a smile. to all the children who let me hear their laugh.

I would not ask for anything more. I’m the luckiest person in the world. I never dreamed of perfection, I just dreamed. I smiled. I faltered. I cried. I laughed. I lived. That is enough.